Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
