I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Panties = found
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
