I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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