Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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