Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
