I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
