i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
