There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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