Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
