you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
