If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
