we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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