I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
