The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
