it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
