Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
