By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
