Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
