U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
