people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
