May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
