Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
