I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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