Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
