Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
