9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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