I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
