i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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