I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
