Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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