Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
