Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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