the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
