ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
