Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
