My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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