It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
