He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
