i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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