I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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