Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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