Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
