meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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