You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you inspire me to be a worse person
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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