why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
