You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
