I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
