you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
