somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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