sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
