We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
