is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
