you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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