I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
