My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
