you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
