And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
