I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
