you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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