The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
