By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sorry my hands just texted you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
